Dearest readers from far and beyond, we are on the edge of calamity! As lucrative businesses have been preparing for months to meet the expected demands of mainland Azeroth, not one, but two (!) ships have apparently been lost at sea! Having initially set out from Undermine for Booty Bay and Ratchet, they are now two days past their expected arrival time. While other merchant ships reach the Goblin ports and share no ill news of bad weather and storms, rumours have started circulating that the ONLY possible explanation can be CANDY PIRATES.

Notorious for their short stature, various masks, bad temper (tantrums) and rotten teeth (no doubt due to excessive consumption of sugar infused treats), they have caused considerable damage to the candy economy in the past.

One alleged survivor of their previous raids reports an encounter with them.

“Nasty little buggers! Screaming, yelling and generally obnoxious, they will chew yarr ears off until ye submit to their demands! Their preferred method of torture is causing sleep deprivation!”

Grum “Pasty” Patson — commercial sailor.

Local merchants grow ever so nervous about the loss of potential profits and the wrath of their clientele. Black markets have appeared on the outskirts of trade hubs, offering apples and other healthier alternatives alongside candied corn and lollipops at head spinning prices!

Whether the children of Azeroth will accept apples in place of candy remains uncertain, though local authorities are advised to prepare for tantrums of unprecedented proportions.

– Gazprint Boompage